Apologies

Elements of a Proper Apology: An apology is much, much more than "I'm sorry." That's just the beginning! You also need to tell the aggrieved party that (a) you recognize that what you did was wrong; (b) you feel bad about whatever wretched thing you did; and (c) you will genuinely do your best not to repeat said wretched behavior in the future. (Note: For particularly heinous crimes, you may have to do/say something extra in order to complete the apology; this may include discussing what the fuck you were thinking during the bout of bad behavior or doing something as a gesture of your sincere regret.)

If your apology does not include all of these elements, it will not come across as sincere. It is not sufficient to simply say you're sorry but neglect to change your behavior. Changing the harmful behavior that led to the need for the apology is the most crucial element here; if you exclude it, you may as well not issue the apology in the first place.

Insincere Apologies: If you're only apologizing because you want the offended party to like you again or you just want to smooth things over but don't actually understand what you did wrong, feel sorry about it, or plan to make sure it doesn't happen again, then you are delivering an insincere apology in bad faith. This is dishonest, condescending, and misleading, and it is not permitted.

Insincere apologies are false advertising, and you are pretending to be something you are not (nice, caring, sensitive, regretful, and most of all, unlikely to repeat the bad behavior). When you apologize, people assume that you are willing to do each step described above. That's the unspoken contractual agreement of an apology. If you aren't willing to commit to all the elements, not only are you misrepresenting your intentions, but you are also compounding your own bad behavior.

Conception of Devotion

In your light I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest,
where no one sees you,
but sometimes I do,
and that sight becomes this art.
~Rumi
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CONCEPTION OF DEVOTION

Separate seeds planted
Handfuls of earth
Raindrops aplenty
Time bequeathed
Cultivating
Nurturing
Oh how the sun smiles down!
Lone roots
Stretching
Exploring
Searching
Our solitary roots entwine
Now we become one

Wait.
Nothing so simple
The storm races in
Harsh rain unleashed
Burned by vengeful wind
Blinded by light
For beauty shall not exist
Without existence
Of ugly
This too
Shall pass
So together we cling
Separate
Yet never apart

My Best Friend

The other night I had a dream about her.

I was searching for her and couldn't find her.

I can't recall ever actually seeing her in my dream.

But I knew.

I knew it was her that I was searching for.

I didn't find her.

I awoke in immense sadness and pain.

I've carried this with me for 6 years.

The pain has buried itself away over those 6 years.

Sometimes I go a long time with out thinking of her.

Then out of the blue something happens to make me think of her.

Usually it's big life events. When we bought our house. When I had Austin.

And then it's the dreams. Those are the worst of all.

I can place blame.

I can accept blame.

But it doesn't matter.

It hasn't mattered in 6 years.

I was feeling sad.

I guess I wanted to feel even more sad.

I opened the box and went digging.

And read the letter.

I miss her.

I think friendship is like a glass ornament.

Once broken it rarely goes back together the same way.

I had the glue out.

But she just swept the pieces up and threw them away

And never looked back.